‘I followed orders, God knows where I’ve been

But when I woke up alone, all my wounds were clean

I’m still here, I’m still here for the holy grail ‘

–  Hunters and Collectors,  The Holy Grail


I woke up. My dizziness is gone, my rash is nearly gone (some days it doesn’t appear at all).

I’m getting fitter, new diet, more exercise. More of the mind warehouse has been searched than ever before. This isn’t just the start, it’s been going on and off for a long time, but it certainly isn’t the end. We could always call it a restart.


Knights on their heroic journeys went out looking for the holy grail because it was once shown them. And seeing it pass in stately procession would have been an unforgettable dream.

Remember Carbonek ? That castle from the legend of the knights of the round table. An unusual castle because sometimes, no matter how carefully you followed directions, it just wasn’t there. Or, it just wasn’t there for YOU.

‘Ride fifty miles, reach the river, go upriver until the cliff gets too steep, work along the base past these dragons, find a narrow path up through the rocks, get onto the spiritual plain…’

Something prevented all the knights from following these directions all the way. They’re not accurate, by the way – the correct version is in one of the translations of the legend of Arthur, perhaps ‘King Arthur and The Knights of the Round Table’ by Roger Lancelyn Green.

Here’s a clue. If you’re about to find Castle Carbonek again, having found it once before, you know it because you remember how the colour of the landscape changed. You had somehow got onto a spiritual plane, and the last stage of the journey was kind of not on the planet. Somehow you see more clearly by seeing through an illusion, in which you’ve had plenty of practice along the way. You might be nearly there and suddenly the illusion returns. Or not, and the landscape changes, you gallop the last few miles and there’s Carbonek.

You go in and find they’ve been expecting you. The meal is ready – somehow they knew exactly when you’d arrive. Or they just have a meal ready all the time.

‘Well done, you’ve made it to Carbonek. But because you left a few things behind you’re going to have to go back and get them. But thanks to your experience the trip will be easier this time.’

Now to start planning for the next trip.

There are going to be more trips until you never forget the way.

” Therefore let us go, and take the adventure that is sent us. ”

– High King Peter, somewhere in Narnia


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